Below The Fold

“Thank you for calling Chili’s, Malpyou?”

“Yes, I’d like to place an order for carryout.”

“Hang on.”

three minutes later

“Thank you for calling Chili’s, Malpyou?”

“Yes, I’d like to place an order for carryout.”

“Whattdya want?”

“I’d like to order a guiltless chicken platter and Chedderburger, please.”

“How’d you like the burger cooked?”

“Medium rare, please.”

“We only do medium.”

“… I’m sorry?”

“We only cook the burgers to medium. We don’t do medium rare.”

“Why did you ask?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you ask me how I wanted the burger cooked, if you’re only going to cook it one way?”

“Well, we do ‘well done,’ too.”

“What about ‘medium well?’”

“Uh-uh. Just ‘medium’ and ‘well done.’”

“Are you kidding me? If that’s the case, then why don’t you say, ‘How would you like your burger cooked, medium or well done?’ instead of creating the illusion that you can actually cook a burger to specification? Why the lies?”

“We like to give customers a choice here at Chili’s.’

“What kind of choice is that? How often does someone order a burger ‘well done?’”

“I’ve never taken that order.”

“Exactly. In your witless efforts to offer a so-called ‘choice’ you have succeeded, instead, of creating an environment of disappointment. There is no such thing as choice when one option is so completely undesirable when compared to the other that the choice itself becomes ironic in nature.”

“Huh?”

…

“I’ll take it medium, please.”